2014 Goals

WOW!!! I can't believe it's 2014!! so much has happened this year, there have been trials, new goals, new ambitions, and plenty of changes as Millie is growing.  I can't believe we've come so far this year, purchasing a house, fighting for the rights of my child and what is best for her life.  Saying goodbye once and for all to her Father, bringing new people into our lives or old people back into our lives.  Watching one of my greatest friends love my daughter and treat her like his own is the greatest joy.  The love that these to share and the love that I have for both of them is such a joy and gives me so much peace. 

I gave her Father the time I believe to be best for him to make his choices and in essence "grow up" he did not do so and therefore I decided to cut him out.  I sent him a nice message stating that I was moving on with our lives and that I would never stop him from seeing his child if he chose to, but as for me I was going on with my life, I deserve better, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have the "family" I always planned for us and with that I have peace and I'm moving on. 

Christmas was awesome, we had a great time and enjoyed celebrating, Millie was at such a fun age this year, seeing her eyes when she walked in and saw what Santa and Mommy gave her it was just pure happiness and love and I loved those moments.

I set out to complete a goal, run a 5k and with that goal being complete, I set out to complete another, with that complete, I set out to love running and decided to sign up for my first half.  Running has had its issues along the way, but it's such a joy and accomplishment and high like no other that I feel when I'm done that keeps me pushing for more.  Yes, I caught the running bug this year!!! There really is such a thing, I'm living proof. 

Happy 2014!!!  Bring it on!!!

Life takes its turn

Well, things are looking up and down right now. It's no secret I have been through hard times hell lately, but things are actually starting to look up some. The only down part right now is kicking this 40 lbs I've gained since last year off. Yes, I have literally gained almost 40 lbs and every time I lose 5 lbs I seem to gain 5 lbs. Ugh such a struggle. Please pray I kick it before the summer, I really don't want to buy a one piece, I refuse. I worked hard for my flat stomach and will have it again!!!

Okay, lets get to the "up news" I met someone and while it's nothing serious, it's a happiness I haven't felt in quite a while. I filled my loneliness and emptiness with my ex-bff, the gym and unfortunately food over the last year, but things are starting to get better. I am taking EVERYTHING one day at a time. I have trust issues and this guy has definitely in the last 3 weeks taken notice of that. I have probably called him a liar for just about everything he has said and yes, I've even gone as far to check the court records, criminal background check, etc. (don't judge me, I've been through hell and I work for attorneys, enough said.) Anyways, he seems to checkout, I haven't mentioned it to my parents but they know I am texting all the time (I HATE talking on the phone, I do that all day at work.) And wonder where I've been sneaking off to some nights. hahaha

Anyways, he seems to be honest and forthcoming, I am not looking for anything serious and I was totally upfront about that with him too. It's nice to have a change from just hanging with friends and having a conversation with someone about your interest, their interest, etc. Weird to think I am "dating" again because I seem to always be in long-term relationships, but I am liking the change.

On another happy note, it made my morning and my realization that God does not forget his children, yes, I have been struggling so much lately with my faith through everything, that I didn't even know if God cared about me, but I am seeing that he does and if I seek him, he is faithful to be there for me. Thanks Megan, you really opened my eyes today. GOD IS GOOD!!!

Additionally, I have been down because for almost a year now I have been searching for another full-time job and yet to have found one. i know the economy has been bad and I am not the only one with this problem, but again, I am giving it to God and praying. Please pray for me a full-time position soon. I am blessed to have my part-time job, but let's face it, I miss being able to do everything I did last year and money is really running low now and now I don't have a car either!!!

I will leave you with this today: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the ... For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

and last.....

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

Friends Hurt

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

I try to be a good friend, I try and go out of my way anytime my friends need me. So why can't I expect the same from my friends? As if losing my bff wasn't hard enough, now to be going through this; it's like my heart has been ripped out of my chest once again. Just when I thought things were looking up and getting better.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9

I am the kind of person who will give up everything for a man if I truly love him (which, I learned the hard way through my ex's abuse not to ever EVER do again) give anything to a friend in need, put everything behind you if you're having a hard time. So why, why can't for once someone do it for me. Don't get me wrong, I am not having a pity party, I am blessed with the life God gave me and very, very thankful for his grace and mercy, but I am only human and it still hurts.

How do you forgive??

How do you forgive and move on? The bible says too, so that's the only reason you need to forgive, right? I am dealing with trying to remember how to love and forgive everyday lately; how does your "bff" spread so many lies and take so many friends, that you've done so much for away from you, how do you forgive her for it? Well, the bitterness is eating me up and I realize more now than before, that she really doesn't know Jesus and she needs salvation. Anyone who has to try and put others down to make themselves feel better or who can sit across a table from you and spread lies through text while you buy her ungrateful "follower" a dinner for his b-day is not a true friend. Anyone who worships themselves more than Jesus or who doesn't worship Jesus period at this point, but yet tells you they're praying for you and that you get back to your "good girl roots" is not a friend or a christian in my opinion.

The Bible always preaches about doing unto others, well that's the story of my life. I've always put my needs behind boyfriends, best friends, family, strangers, why? Because that's me and I have a big heart. What happens when I do that....I get kicked, walked all over, punched, knocked down, lied about, rumors are started, lies are spread......So what do I do, I cry and think why me for 2 weeks then learn, they are not a true friend because they don't know how to be a try friend. A true friend loves at all times, not lies, not cheats, not tries to make themselves look better b/c they are so angry and bitter.

Well, it's time to move forward and put her and them all out of my life, if they are stupid enough to be a "follower" of hers and believe her lies, then I don't need them period. If she is angry enough to be bitter, then let her have her lies and bitterness, what will they get her at the end of the day? A very, very, very lonely life.

So how do I forgive is my question? I forgive again, because God commands us too, but that doesn't mean that everyday when I look at my life, the missing ppl in it because she lied and spread rumors, it doesn't make that easier. But what can I do, they're not worth the time and energy. I took food to a friend when he had surgery and what does he do, believes her lies, why because she's a good talker. If I've learned one thing recently, it's that manipulators and liars are good at lying straight to your face and showing no emotion, that's what a liar does. On the other hand, someone who wants nothing but everyone to get along, gets upset, cries, etc. That's me in a nut shell, but you know what I'm learning they're not worth my tears and even if someone doesn't like me, I'm going to church whether you don't want me there or not, that makes you look bad in God's eyes NOT ME!!!

Please pray for me as I have lost too much recently to really feel the truth in anything. I want my best friend back, but until she stops telling me and everyone else that we need help and seeks help for herself, I don't need her and she does not deserve me as a friend. I pray for her salvation and that she will look inward and see that she needs Jesus more than anything and that people realize the kinda lies she's told and stop listening to her garbage.

Thoughtless Thursday: Dogs and NYC

So the my friend, Al, who I just went to NYC with has two german Shepperds, I love these dogs and would love to have one of my own. Her dogs have been fighting and trying to kill each other, literally, several times over the past two weeks, so when we came home Monday from NYC, I took her girl dog, Dutches, home with me.

Dutchess

I think German Shepperd are the BEST dogs!!! And I always wanted one, but while I was leaving in my parents house, that wasn't going to work. This is still Ali's dog and she can take her back anytime she wants....I don't want her too and I will miss her as I've become fond of her fast, but I do think, when that day happens... I will be buying a German Shepperd puppy; just not sure yet if I'll end up with a boy or girl.

NYC was a blast this weekend and I am so happy for the time away from this city, but I love coming home too. Good and bad, Memphis is my home and I love it here!!!

Here are a few more pics from our trip to The Big Apple:

View from a top the Empire State Building

Let's just say he wasn't as excited

about the picture as us girls lol

We had a blast and I couldn't have wanted to go with anyone else more than her. She's my girl and been there through thick and then. Love you Al!!!

Home Sweet Home

Well we had a blast in NYC, we got into a few fights on the streets...The people seemed to be so rude there. One lady cut me and my bestie, Ali off and then we said excuse me to her and she just started cussing at us. We had one lady on the sub way get angry with us because we sat down too quick and she was trying to put her bag in the seat, she even asked us to get up...

Here are a few picture.....more to come tomorrow.....

All of us at the Empire State Building

Me and my girl, Al, having a pillow fight and jumping on the beds

(things we're not allowed to do by our own rules at our own houses lol)

Also, I did buy a new digital camera for my photography stuff, I'm sure my glad will be happy to have me not borrowing his all the time. I'll post a picture of it later..

NYC BOUND!!

I am SO ready to leave for NYC tomorrow morning!!! I made my last Target and Old Navy run last night, I ended up spending $93 at Old Navy, but saved $40, that's good right? Let's not even discuss the money I've spent at Target in the past week getting ready for NYC.

I have my film, cameras, and everything packed and ready to go, now if we could just be there already. I am very excited about getting to spend time with my girl, Alison (as I like to call her, Al); she is the best and since she's been back in town we have spent too much lots of time shopping and hanging out. I couldn't be any happier about going to NYC with anyone more than I am about going to NYC with her. We've both been through the ringer with bad break-ups this year, her marriage, and Craig and I's split; so, it is a much deserved trip away from reality!!! Although, two of her guy friends will be with us, we are planning on running like hell away from them escaping and losing them one day or night for some "Girls Only Time".

I can't wait to see some of this beautiful city again, as I was there for only a day and a half the last time I went.

I hope everyone has a great Friday and weekend!!!

Parties, All Nighters, and Good Times with Friends

So this past Friday night, I went out for my friend Shelly's 29th birthday party, while we had a great time and I can't speak for anyone else but we all I had too much to drink that's for sure. Since I haven't been able to really drink to much and cut loose over the last 4 1/2 years b/c I was ALWAYS the DD and ALWAYS the responsible one in my previous relationship, I let loose and had a ball.

Caitlin, me, and the b-day girl, Shelly

I also have been realizing how much FUN single life can be sometimes. I never would have gotten to go to this b-day party b/c my ex would have told me I couldn't have gone b/c he was a control freak abusive ass. Excuse the anger in my tone, but after WASTING 4 1/2 years, I am REALLY MAD AT MYSELF!!! I am having SO MUCH FUN, but I could have been having this much fun YEARS AGO if I had just LEFT when I knew I should have. Err....kicking self hard is not going to change anything, so I need to stop doing that. Anyways, here a few shots of our great FABULOUS time!!! I even made it home with $125 that I have NO CLUE where it CAME FROM!!!! Happy Birthday to me I mean Shelly!! ; )

like Shelly said on fb, "ha" all I can say is not a good picture

and way too many red bulls and vodka at this point

Natalie doesn't look like she's happy, but I look waisted : (

Oh well, it was all I great time regardless of the mess I got into or what I lost or even what I found for that matter. I had a great time!!

Sick Again!!! & Weekend Recap

Dear Lord,

Could I please have just 1 WEEK without any migraines, fever, sneezing, coughing, throwing-up, etc..please, just one week!!!

I'd be ever so grateful!!! Meredith

Yep, I was sick again yesterday and this morning and just now made it to work, which I must mention makes me sick, just for the simply fact that my boss tells me Friday afternoon, that he's previous employee, who left because of a psycho co-worker not so nice co-worker, who I watched get into a verbal fight with the boss, which of course, she was then fired after, wants her job back and he feels "obligated" to give it back to her because she had worked for him for 25+years, so after 2 weeks, I shall be out of a job. THIS SUCKS!!! But God is good and always provides, so I am just going to pray for another job SOON, especially if my nephews want Christmas presents.

Friday night, I went to my friend, Shelly's 29th birthday party, I'll try to post pictures at a later time, because I stayed out way too late and then was sick, so NOTHING got done this weekend!!! NOTHING!!! But I had a great time getting out with old friends, some I hadn't seen since high school. We had a blast!!

Saturday, I did nothing but sleep, yep, really productive wouldn't you say? Sunday, guess what I did? You guessed it MORE SLEEP!!! And today, I waited for a doctor to give me a prescription for drugs I already had at home!!! Oh well, what can I say, thanks dr for making me wait 2 hours and giving me a prescription for something I already have at home and taking my $35 co-pay while your at it. Seriously!!!

All-in-all, I had a blast catching up with old friends Friday night and even maybe having one to many!!! Happy Monday Everyone!!!

P.S..... please pray for me a new job, it will suck being broke!!! : (