So much to do, So little time

Man, the pending birth of my daughter is coming up fast. I can't believe she'll be here in roughly 19 weeks!!! I had someone ask me Monday if I was pregnant, yeah, it's getting pretty obvious. lol

The worst thing EVER though since being pregnant, besides the awful morning sickness that lasted so long is people talking to you and putting their had on your belly. Like really? Please don't touch....I'm a closed off person anyways and I have to have my "box" personal space, I hate shaking peoples hands, etc. Yes, my name is Meredith and I am a sever germ a-fob. I can't even fathom after Millie gets here and people wanting to touch or hold her, it's going to be hard b/c I don't want to be rude, but then again I don't want you really touching my baby either.

My mind is racing with so many things that I need to do from: refinishing her crib, to getting all her things together and in order, I have so many clothes but yet have not made an attempt to organize them in the closet yet, it's so overwhelming. I can't wait to do so, but I'm so tired when I get off work sometimes I just go walk, eat and then a little tv before I'm passed out (usually around 9 p.m.) Can we say old!!! hahaha

I'm trying to be patient with her Father, but he wears me thin when he acts like a kid himself, I can't handle two babies!!! Everytime I think he's making progress, he lets me down. It's not so much for me I care, but for her, she's my world and she deserves you 1. either being the BEST Father you can be or 2. You taking a hike!! We'll see as it plays out, don't get me wrong, I love her Father, probably always well in some way b/c he gave me her, but really, I can't handle two kids!!!

Let's get a little soap box here shall we. I can't STAND people who call themselves Christians, read my blog or hear I'm pregnant and when clear as day I stated on my blog please do NOT mention this to people that may know me out there..... you feel the need to go ahead and tell people, how does that make you a better person than me!!! Really!!!! And no I never confronted this person just can't believe you're suppose to be this Godly woman and you clearly didn't respect my request for NOT telling people outside of this blog. Ugh, hurts my feelings really BAD!!!

I'm really really really trying not to give a hoot about others opinions, but it still hurts; especially when you claim to be such a "Godly woman" isn't that gossip? What's the bible say about that, did you forget???

Any who, that's enough soapbox for one day!!

Happy Thursday Ladies!!

Boob Tube Babble and Life Ramble

1. I'm trying to figure out what to watch on Sunday nights now that Amazing Race is over, Desperate Housewives was on this week and I caught it. I haven't watched this season because I've been bad, but I did see this weeks episode and it was great as always.

2. Real Housewives- I can't say anything more than these women remind me why I don't hangout with a lot of ladies, no offense, but I am having enough drama still with my ex-bff and I can't imagine having a big group of women treat me like her. On the other hand, I will post more about this at the bottom of this post.

3. Army Wives- Rowland and Joan are adopting a baby with HIV, what a job!!! That's a little too scary for me and that's got to be a big task. I have always said I would love to adopt, I love kids and worked with foster kids for years, and they just touched my heart, but that's a big task to adopt a baby with HIV. Could you handle it?

4. The Voice- Battle Round #2- did anyone watch this, Blake pitting contestants against each other, come on Blake!!!!

Click here to link up with Neely and Meagan.

I am still behind on several shows and this week that I hope to catch up on this weekend. But now I have to get on my soapbox with a few things, so please, don't hate me and let me rant.

1. This week, a lot of schools had there graduations. President Obama was the speaker at a local high school in the inner city this week and let me just say, I listed to his commencement speech on the drive home from Missouri and I swear the two that introduce the Presidents, their speeches had me cracking up. Then when the President gave his speech, I was cracking up moor it was very good and he definitely spoke and joked around with them, so that they would listen and taken in what he said. What a way to go out, so proud of BT for being chosen and putting Memphis on the map in a positive way.

2. Rumors and lies, I have to say I have still been hurt by a lot of things that have resulted the last few months after my ex-bff and I had a falling out. I thought I was on my way to getting over it then I hear more rumors and lies this week. “Life and death are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21)

I believe in this scripture and I am a true believer that words can cause a furry of emotions and that once something happens, sometimes a spiral of affects happen thereafter. Well that seems to be what I am leaving through right now. I am having to deal with my ex-bff's lies and betrayal once again, I've noticed that a group of people that know us both have deleted me from facebook, therefore, I decided to call a few out on it and see why, what had I done or said to them? A few things I heard were very shocking and upsetting to me, I hadn't done such things, where would they have heard that, who would say those types of things? I talked to my parents about it and we agreed that most likely it was Ali, said but what can I do? My parents have encouraged me to forget about her, but easier said than done. See I am the type of friend who will love and stand by you through most anything, if you fall I'll be there for you and help you try and get back up. That's all I want from a friend too. Why would she say all these things, she already took a good chunk of money from me and friends, what else does she want?

I am currently praying about it, but must say it is a hard road, I have no female friends now and it is a truly lonely place to be. I haven't been invited to do blog meet ups, or anything in recent days or to girls night with the girls I was meeting with lately so i feel as if I have been laid-out to dry and people say, you're just not good enough to associate with because i've fallen on hard times. I have only a part-time job and I'm searching daily for a full-time one, do people not realize that others struggle and that it's okay to love them and be their friends even in the times of struggle? Do people just think I'm not good enough because I don't make a great amount of money, even people that don't make tons of money want to have friends. I just want to be excepted the way I am, flawed and all. I am so thankful for the wonderful guy I've met and even people aren't happy about that because he doesn't fit into their idea of who I should be with. I've dated the guy who came from a family of money and he physically hit me and called me stupid and retarded, I've dated the guy who came from nothing and he treated me like I was just someone else to walk on. So I date someone who is a little older, divorced and has kids, and I'm just no good? What's that about? What do people want?

Do people want me to go back and be abused again or be with someone that respects me? Enough is enough, love and except people where they're at, isn't that what the bible commands us to do? Yes, I don't always say the right words, are you perfect? No, so who are you to stand in judgment of me? I just want friends, is that too much to ask. I didn't get to have friends and hangout with other girls for 4 1/2 years because my ex didn't trust me, so why shouldn't I cry and be upset? I lost a lot of time in my 20's to make girlfriends, I just want some true friends!!!

Sorry for the soap box and let me just say, I am not having a pity party, I am just trying to think and be rational and see that others make mistakes and that I am not some awful person who is poison because I don't have all of what other people my age have. I've had a hard road being laid off last year, did I ask for it? No, so why judge me for it. I struggle everyday to pay my bills and it really sucks, but it's where I am at, like me or don't, just don't talk about me!!!

Friends Hurt

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

I try to be a good friend, I try and go out of my way anytime my friends need me. So why can't I expect the same from my friends? As if losing my bff wasn't hard enough, now to be going through this; it's like my heart has been ripped out of my chest once again. Just when I thought things were looking up and getting better.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9

I am the kind of person who will give up everything for a man if I truly love him (which, I learned the hard way through my ex's abuse not to ever EVER do again) give anything to a friend in need, put everything behind you if you're having a hard time. So why, why can't for once someone do it for me. Don't get me wrong, I am not having a pity party, I am blessed with the life God gave me and very, very thankful for his grace and mercy, but I am only human and it still hurts.

How do you forgive??

How do you forgive and move on? The bible says too, so that's the only reason you need to forgive, right? I am dealing with trying to remember how to love and forgive everyday lately; how does your "bff" spread so many lies and take so many friends, that you've done so much for away from you, how do you forgive her for it? Well, the bitterness is eating me up and I realize more now than before, that she really doesn't know Jesus and she needs salvation. Anyone who has to try and put others down to make themselves feel better or who can sit across a table from you and spread lies through text while you buy her ungrateful "follower" a dinner for his b-day is not a true friend. Anyone who worships themselves more than Jesus or who doesn't worship Jesus period at this point, but yet tells you they're praying for you and that you get back to your "good girl roots" is not a friend or a christian in my opinion.

The Bible always preaches about doing unto others, well that's the story of my life. I've always put my needs behind boyfriends, best friends, family, strangers, why? Because that's me and I have a big heart. What happens when I do that....I get kicked, walked all over, punched, knocked down, lied about, rumors are started, lies are spread......So what do I do, I cry and think why me for 2 weeks then learn, they are not a true friend because they don't know how to be a try friend. A true friend loves at all times, not lies, not cheats, not tries to make themselves look better b/c they are so angry and bitter.

Well, it's time to move forward and put her and them all out of my life, if they are stupid enough to be a "follower" of hers and believe her lies, then I don't need them period. If she is angry enough to be bitter, then let her have her lies and bitterness, what will they get her at the end of the day? A very, very, very lonely life.

So how do I forgive is my question? I forgive again, because God commands us too, but that doesn't mean that everyday when I look at my life, the missing ppl in it because she lied and spread rumors, it doesn't make that easier. But what can I do, they're not worth the time and energy. I took food to a friend when he had surgery and what does he do, believes her lies, why because she's a good talker. If I've learned one thing recently, it's that manipulators and liars are good at lying straight to your face and showing no emotion, that's what a liar does. On the other hand, someone who wants nothing but everyone to get along, gets upset, cries, etc. That's me in a nut shell, but you know what I'm learning they're not worth my tears and even if someone doesn't like me, I'm going to church whether you don't want me there or not, that makes you look bad in God's eyes NOT ME!!!

Please pray for me as I have lost too much recently to really feel the truth in anything. I want my best friend back, but until she stops telling me and everyone else that we need help and seeks help for herself, I don't need her and she does not deserve me as a friend. I pray for her salvation and that she will look inward and see that she needs Jesus more than anything and that people realize the kinda lies she's told and stop listening to her garbage.

9.02.10 DAY

cried watching this t.v. wedding

It's 90210 day!!! I loved watching 90210 and thought they had beautiful clothes, hair, make-up, you name it I thought they had it all!!!!

I COULD NOT, WOULD NOT miss an episode and yes, I am one that when they sell them all on dvd, will probably buy the whole series and watch it in marathon form. lol

Who's your favorite? Did you watch it?

Side note.....

Please pray for me, heard some/read some hateful things that my ex said/posted on facebook about me, calling me crazy, psycho, etc. I may have been a LOT of things, but the only crazy thing I ever did was stay the first time he laid his hands on me and excepted that he was sorry and would change. Praying for his salvation, truly don't believe he knows or fears God and that is very sad.

thank you everyone!!! I truly, truly, truly can use friends and encouragement right now!!! He basically didn't allow me to have friends and hang out with others, he I guess feared I'd have left and found someone to treat me better!!!

One more note..... if you are reading this and you know my ex or anyone related/friends with him, I beg of you please, please, please DO NOT share what you READ with ANYONE!!!! I am not trying to deal with anymore pain than has already been given to me by this issue, I am not putting him down, I know he has a problem and I know he doesn't know or fear Christ and therefore, he can slander me in public, on facebook, etc., yes, I'm not going ot lie, it truly hurts like hell, but God will deal with him, I can't do anything about it. I should have left a long time ago, but I ALWAYS believed he would change, I'm not perfect, I have a bad temper and anger issue, I am seeking help for that at Bellevue, but what I put up with went through, I'm not going to lie is probably the cause of most of my anger and temper. But God is good and he is giving me new friends now and hopefully he'll give me some people I can hang out with since I seriously HAVE NONE!!! and God will punish him not me. Thanks again everyone!!!