22 Weeks

Wow, it's hard to believe that I'm at the end of 22 weeks.  I really should do these at the beginning of the weeks, it's just hard to remember to take a picture sometimes. hahaha

How Far Along? 22 weeks, 7 days....120 to go!


Size of my Angel? 11 in.....the size of a spaghetti squash


Maternity Clothes? All


Weight Gain?  I think I'm doing okay, but don't really know.


Stretch Marks? None thank you Lord, still lathering oil and cream once or twice a day...Praying that they'll stay away


Gender? Sweet baby GIRL.... Millie Ladell


Sleep? It's hard for me to get a good nights sleep, between the bathroom breaks and tossing and turning.  But I'm managing. 


Food Cravings? Mexican food, salsa, and anything sour


What I Miss Most? being able to sleep and not feeling fat


Symptoms? none, no more scares either PTL


Belly Button? It's starting to come out but I'm just praying it goes back.  Did anyone else's pop, did it go back?  Really curious on this. 


Best Moment of the Week? Can't really say, knowing that I'm doing whatever I can for my daughter, even though her Father is clearly not going to act right.  Just knowing I've made an effort makes me feel like I tried everything to give her the family I'd hope she'd have.

22 weeks, 7 days

Happy Thursday, Ladies!!! 

What's the Right and Wrong Decision?

Ever think am I really making the best decision?

That's me all the time lately, I wonder am I doing what's best for Millie? I mean when her Dad decided he did not want her it was heartbreaking, it was before I ever knew if it was a girl or boy, but what I did know is that this was a piece of me growing inside of me. It was hard to hear the words come out of his mouth, that he hated me for NOT going through with an abortion. Fast forward 4 months till today and I am trying with everything in my might to work things out for her sake with him. I want him to love her and be a part of her life, I can't force it but I want it so bad for her. Being a Daddy's girl my whole life it's hard to think she wont have that bond. It breaks my heart, but what I do know is I am making the BEST possible decisions for me and for her.

People may not agree with my choices, but trust me I am doing them all for her and to benefit her future. I met up with my ex this weekend and yes one of the first things he did was call me fat, if you know me and know I've lost a lot of weight and I've been struggling with the 16 I'd gained before pregnancy over the last year then you know this KILLED me. WTF, how can you call me fat, I'm 5 months pregnant with your daughter!!!

Anyways, I talked to him and tried, but at the end of the day, he has to choose for himself whether or not he wants to be a part of her life.

Please pray for me as I am truly struggling to make it someday's, it breaks my heart he doesn't want her. Kills me.

So much to do, So little time

Man, the pending birth of my daughter is coming up fast. I can't believe she'll be here in roughly 19 weeks!!! I had someone ask me Monday if I was pregnant, yeah, it's getting pretty obvious. lol

The worst thing EVER though since being pregnant, besides the awful morning sickness that lasted so long is people talking to you and putting their had on your belly. Like really? Please don't touch....I'm a closed off person anyways and I have to have my "box" personal space, I hate shaking peoples hands, etc. Yes, my name is Meredith and I am a sever germ a-fob. I can't even fathom after Millie gets here and people wanting to touch or hold her, it's going to be hard b/c I don't want to be rude, but then again I don't want you really touching my baby either.

My mind is racing with so many things that I need to do from: refinishing her crib, to getting all her things together and in order, I have so many clothes but yet have not made an attempt to organize them in the closet yet, it's so overwhelming. I can't wait to do so, but I'm so tired when I get off work sometimes I just go walk, eat and then a little tv before I'm passed out (usually around 9 p.m.) Can we say old!!! hahaha

I'm trying to be patient with her Father, but he wears me thin when he acts like a kid himself, I can't handle two babies!!! Everytime I think he's making progress, he lets me down. It's not so much for me I care, but for her, she's my world and she deserves you 1. either being the BEST Father you can be or 2. You taking a hike!! We'll see as it plays out, don't get me wrong, I love her Father, probably always well in some way b/c he gave me her, but really, I can't handle two kids!!!

Let's get a little soap box here shall we. I can't STAND people who call themselves Christians, read my blog or hear I'm pregnant and when clear as day I stated on my blog please do NOT mention this to people that may know me out there..... you feel the need to go ahead and tell people, how does that make you a better person than me!!! Really!!!! And no I never confronted this person just can't believe you're suppose to be this Godly woman and you clearly didn't respect my request for NOT telling people outside of this blog. Ugh, hurts my feelings really BAD!!!

I'm really really really trying not to give a hoot about others opinions, but it still hurts; especially when you claim to be such a "Godly woman" isn't that gossip? What's the bible say about that, did you forget???

Any who, that's enough soapbox for one day!!

Happy Thursday Ladies!!