What a difference a few days makes & Top 2 Tuesday

WOW, okay, so I have been MIA for a few days now, but what a difference a few days in your life can make. i have been struggling with myself and who I am since I went through a very, very, VERY bitter and angry break-up in July.

First of all, let me start by saying that Saturday night I went to church and the message was so intense and I truly feel like it was another message screaming out "Meredith, Meredith" he was preaching on forgiveness; how we must forgive others for God to heal us and forgive us. STAB #1

He went on to say, how we let our past hurts control our present life and how we hold things against others who have done no wrong to us, simply because someone once did wrong to us. STAB #2

Okay, so many of you know that my break-up in July was very painful and hurtful. But I don't think many understand why it was so painful and hurtful. I went back to my ex, who is an alcoholic multiple times after multiple indecent incidences. He put me in situations I should never allowed myself to get involved in whether it be alcohol, drugs, etc. You name it, we were probably in the middle of it at some point. Another reason why this is so hard and painful, but also eye opening and awakening is because as many of you know, I work for attorneys, if anything were to have ever happened, I number one would have been out of a job and possible even more. Yes, I take responsibility, I could have walked away and should have, but I didn't. Now that I have, God has truly blessed my life in SO many ways and is even working on helping me to forgive myself first and foremost.

I have a very difficult time forgiving myself in any situation, whatever it may be, but to have to go back and admit your sins to God, who already knows, is still humbling I truly believe. God has worked in my life SO much the last 2 and a half months that I did not allow him to work in over the last 4 1/2 years because I truly allowed some man to be my "god". God says, "you are to have no others before me" and I truly believe God had to dump me on my butt to get me to clean-up my life and keep my eyes on him. I continue to struggle especially in the last few weeks with wanting to do some things that are horrible for me and my body, but by the grace of God and through prayer and friends, I have managed to avoid that which almost cost me it all!!!! I do ask for your continued prayers in support, as I am still weak when it comes to some items in my life or allowing them back in my life.

My family has been praying so hard for me b/c I took my ex back multiple times and I assured them that there is NO GOING BACK this time, but they still have there doubts. I am truly FREE for the first time in 4 1/2 years from his abuse and control and I have to say, it feels SO GOOD to be able to do WHATEVER I WANT TO DO!!!!

TOP 2 TUESDAY:

Top 2 Favorite Songs:

Well this first one is my top Christian favorite song at the moment, because of all I have been going through the last 2 + months, I have been trying to fix my eyes on Jesus and listen to more christian instead of my normal Metallica (yes, Metallica is my favorite, need I say more), etc.

1. Casting Crowns- I will Praise You in this Storm- it fits where I have been and what I have gone through the last 2+ months. It makes me cry just thinking of this song and what Jesus did for me and how I am covered by the blood.

2. Goo Goo Dolls "Better Days"

To participate in Top 2 Tuesday, go over to Taylor's blog here and tell us your picks.

Here's to Wishin' and Hopin'

Have you ever taken a look back at your life and regretted one decision so deeply, so badly, that you are beating yourself up for days. Well....that's me today!!! A few years back, I met a wonderful guy, who acted interested always told me, "if you were my girl, I wouldn't do what my ex just did" or "if you were my girl, I wouldn't be getting drunk and doing what he just did".

Well, I STAYED, and stayed, and stayed, and finally left and now I just wish and hope I'd get some interest out of this guy again. I'm trying to get in touch with him and I'm so PROUD of myself for reaching out to someone to get in contact with him (as I don't have a number for him). I asked them to ask him to call me because I have a question for him, well I do have a question relating to work needed with regard to what he does for a living, but that's not all I want. Who knows whether or not he'll be receptive or whether he is still seeing someone else or what.

Again, I am SO SO PROUD of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and reaching out even if I get rejected.. God has a purpose right, so if it is meant to be it'll be!! That's what I'm thinking and holding on to.

Tonight we have another Memphis Blog Girls get together and I can't wait, hopefully, it'll help get my mind off of everything. (I was really hoping that the person who said they would tell him to call me would have told him early morning and he would have called me first thing, I should know better, silly Meredith, that only happens in the movies!!!!)

Big Brother is Over!!

Well, I have to say, I was really, really, really hoping that Laine would pull through and win it all last night!!! I am saddened that Hayden won and not Laine, but I'm glad that they were the final 2 and not Hayden and Enzo because, I really didn't think Enzo deserved it at all. Opinions?

: ( Sorry Laine, if I had been there and voting, you would have had my vote!!!!

Oh well, I guess it's waiting for now, until next summer!! I think I should apply!! Ha ha, not really, but it would be fun. I would rather be on Survivor though, did anyone watch the premier? I don't have a favorite yet, but I'm a lookin', they looked so horrified when they were divided into old vs. young!! I think it's kinda fun having it that way. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

Big Brother Finale!!!!

Okay, so it's no secret that I'm like OBSESSED with Big Brother and have been since season 1!!!! I love reality t.v. and this is by far my favorite. So, who will win?? I am rooting for Lane and I must say, he's been one of my favorites since the beginning, even though I was not for the Brigade from day one, I was for Lane.

So, who do you want to win? It will be a busy night at my house, with the premier of Survivor Nicaragua and the Big Brother Finale!!! I can't wait!!! Does anyone else watch Survivor?

Happy Hump Day Everyone!!!

What does the dog do while you're out or at work???

Have you ever wondered what the dog does while you're out or at work? I have several times and decided this morning that I would call my father and ask to borrow his recorder and record Cricket one day next week to see what she does while I'm gone. Cricket is limited to the kitchen and den while I'm gone, so she can't get into too much trouble. However, there are kids toys around for my nephews, there's the stairs to climb up and down and there's several other things I'm sure she can find to get into. I can't wait to see what I find she does all day while I'm away next week. (I know, she lays on the couch a whole lot while I'm there, so I wonder does she do much besides sleep when I'm not there?) Such a lazy dog she is. Here are a few videos of what some dogs and cats did while their families were away.

Happy Friday!!!

Caroline, this one made me think of Knox!!!

I have so caught Cricket with my shoes, I can't stand when she gets into my shoes....especially my expensive heels.....

Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Top 2 Tuesday: Favorite things about fall

Top 2 Tuesday: Favorite things about fall

1. Pumpkin Spice lattes-- I got so addicted to these last year when I went to D.C., I swear I had at least 2 a day and since there was a Starbucks in our hotel, sometimes it was 3. I definitely paid some dues to Starbucks while on that trip.

2. Fall Leaves and colors- I love the falling of the leaves in the fall, I love the color of the leaves in the fall, I love the cool breeze going through the tress while on a nice fall walk. I just love fall!!!!

Man, just participating in this post makes me happy knowing it's almost fall!!!!

To participate in top two Tuesday visit Taylor and link up.

Mamaw's Birthday and Labor Day

So, a week ago tomorrow was my Mamaw's 91st birthday, so we took her out to dinner at Side Porch Steakhouse. I love going to Side Porch and so does she so we thought it would be a great place to go for her birthday.

Mamaw

Mamaw & me

We had a great time reminiscing over old memories and talking about what great shape she's in, etc. She impresses me everyday with what all she still does at 91!!!

LABOR DAY

I hope everyone had a great labor day!!! I know we did, we went to my Uncle's in Tupelo and had some real good filipino and american food. Yum!!! We swam for a few hours, then ate, then swam some more. : )

Daniel in his body glove floaty suit

Nathan playing ball with his Dad and Uncle Clint

Dad carrying in a worn out Daniel

(he took a LONG nap after 2 hrs of playing in the water)

Nathan having a blast in the water

Daniel after swimming and changing

love his hair!!! ha ha

(it took 4ever to get his hair calmed down)

Mamaw & Papaw

Uncle Eddie fixin' some filipino food

lumpia (small egg roll type dish) so yummy!!!

We had such a blast!!!! Now I'm exhausted now after a long day by the pool and way too much yummy food. I hope everyone had a fabulous Labor Day!!!

9.02.10 DAY

cried watching this t.v. wedding

It's 90210 day!!! I loved watching 90210 and thought they had beautiful clothes, hair, make-up, you name it I thought they had it all!!!!

I COULD NOT, WOULD NOT miss an episode and yes, I am one that when they sell them all on dvd, will probably buy the whole series and watch it in marathon form. lol

Who's your favorite? Did you watch it?

Side note.....

Please pray for me, heard some/read some hateful things that my ex said/posted on facebook about me, calling me crazy, psycho, etc. I may have been a LOT of things, but the only crazy thing I ever did was stay the first time he laid his hands on me and excepted that he was sorry and would change. Praying for his salvation, truly don't believe he knows or fears God and that is very sad.

thank you everyone!!! I truly, truly, truly can use friends and encouragement right now!!! He basically didn't allow me to have friends and hang out with others, he I guess feared I'd have left and found someone to treat me better!!!

One more note..... if you are reading this and you know my ex or anyone related/friends with him, I beg of you please, please, please DO NOT share what you READ with ANYONE!!!! I am not trying to deal with anymore pain than has already been given to me by this issue, I am not putting him down, I know he has a problem and I know he doesn't know or fear Christ and therefore, he can slander me in public, on facebook, etc., yes, I'm not going ot lie, it truly hurts like hell, but God will deal with him, I can't do anything about it. I should have left a long time ago, but I ALWAYS believed he would change, I'm not perfect, I have a bad temper and anger issue, I am seeking help for that at Bellevue, but what I put up with went through, I'm not going to lie is probably the cause of most of my anger and temper. But God is good and he is giving me new friends now and hopefully he'll give me some people I can hang out with since I seriously HAVE NONE!!! and God will punish him not me. Thanks again everyone!!!