WOW, okay, so I have been MIA for a few days now, but what a difference a few days in your life can make. i have been struggling with myself and who I am since I went through a very, very, VERY bitter and angry break-up in July.
First of all, let me start by saying that Saturday night I went to church and the message was so intense and I truly feel like it was another message screaming out "Meredith, Meredith" he was preaching on forgiveness; how we must forgive others for God to heal us and forgive us. STAB #1
He went on to say, how we let our past hurts control our present life and how we hold things against others who have done no wrong to us, simply because someone once did wrong to us. STAB #2
Okay, so many of you know that my break-up in July was very painful and hurtful. But I don't think many understand why it was so painful and hurtful. I went back to my ex, who is an alcoholic multiple times after multiple indecent incidences. He put me in situations I should never allowed myself to get involved in whether it be alcohol, drugs, etc. You name it, we were probably in the middle of it at some point. Another reason why this is so hard and painful, but also eye opening and awakening is because as many of you know, I work for attorneys, if anything were to have ever happened, I number one would have been out of a job and possible even more. Yes, I take responsibility, I could have walked away and should have, but I didn't. Now that I have, God has truly blessed my life in SO many ways and is even working on helping me to forgive myself first and foremost.
I have a very difficult time forgiving myself in any situation, whatever it may be, but to have to go back and admit your sins to God, who already knows, is still humbling I truly believe. God has worked in my life SO much the last 2 and a half months that I did not allow him to work in over the last 4 1/2 years because I truly allowed some man to be my "god". God says, "you are to have no others before me" and I truly believe God had to dump me on my butt to get me to clean-up my life and keep my eyes on him. I continue to struggle especially in the last few weeks with wanting to do some things that are horrible for me and my body, but by the grace of God and through prayer and friends, I have managed to avoid that which almost cost me it all!!!! I do ask for your continued prayers in support, as I am still weak when it comes to some items in my life or allowing them back in my life.
My family has been praying so hard for me b/c I took my ex back multiple times and I assured them that there is NO GOING BACK this time, but they still have there doubts. I am truly FREE for the first time in 4 1/2 years from his abuse and control and I have to say, it feels SO GOOD to be able to do WHATEVER I WANT TO DO!!!!
Top 2 Favorite Songs:
Well this first one is my top Christian favorite song at the moment, because of all I have been going through the last 2 + months, I have been trying to fix my eyes on Jesus and listen to more christian instead of my normal Metallica (yes, Metallica is my favorite, need I say more), etc.
1. Casting Crowns- I will Praise You in this Storm- it fits where I have been and what I have gone through the last 2+ months. It makes me cry just thinking of this song and what Jesus did for me and how I am covered by the blood.
2. Goo Goo Dolls "Better Days"
To participate in Top 2 Tuesday, go over to Taylor's blog here and tell us your picks.