Thursday, March 29, 2012

22 Weeks

Wow, it's hard to believe that I'm at the end of 22 weeks.  I really should do these at the beginning of the weeks, it's just hard to remember to take a picture sometimes. hahaha

How Far Along? 22 weeks, 7 days....120 to go!

Size of my Angel? 11 in.....the size of a spaghetti squash

Maternity Clothes? All

Weight Gain?  I think I'm doing okay, but don't really know.

Stretch Marks? None thank you Lord, still lathering oil and cream once or twice a day...Praying that they'll stay away

Gender? Sweet baby GIRL.... Millie Ladell

Sleep? It's hard for me to get a good nights sleep, between the bathroom breaks and tossing and turning.  But I'm managing. 

Food Cravings? Mexican food, salsa, and anything sour

What I Miss Most? being able to sleep and not feeling fat

Symptoms? none, no more scares either PTL

Belly Button? It's starting to come out but I'm just praying it goes back.  Did anyone else's pop, did it go back?  Really curious on this. 

Best Moment of the Week? Can't really say, knowing that I'm doing whatever I can for my daughter, even though her Father is clearly not going to act right.  Just knowing I've made an effort makes me feel like I tried everything to give her the family I'd hope she'd have.

22 weeks, 7 days

Happy Thursday, Ladies!!! 

Monday, March 26, 2012

What's the Right and Wrong Decision?

Ever think am I really making the best decision?

That's me all the time lately, I wonder am I doing what's best for Millie? I mean when her Dad decided he did not want her it was heartbreaking, it was before I ever knew if it was a girl or boy, but what I did know is that this was a piece of me growing inside of me. It was hard to hear the words come out of his mouth, that he hated me for NOT going through with an abortion. Fast forward 4 months till today and I am trying with everything in my might to work things out for her sake with him. I want him to love her and be a part of her life, I can't force it but I want it so bad for her. Being a Daddy's girl my whole life it's hard to think she wont have that bond. It breaks my heart, but what I do know is I am making the BEST possible decisions for me and for her.

People may not agree with my choices, but trust me I am doing them all for her and to benefit her future. I met up with my ex this weekend and yes one of the first things he did was call me fat, if you know me and know I've lost a lot of weight and I've been struggling with the 16 I'd gained before pregnancy over the last year then you know this KILLED me. WTF, how can you call me fat, I'm 5 months pregnant with your daughter!!!

Anyways, I talked to him and tried, but at the end of the day, he has to choose for himself whether or not he wants to be a part of her life.

Please pray for me as I am truly struggling to make it someday's, it breaks my heart he doesn't want her. Kills me.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

So much to do, So little time

Man, the pending birth of my daughter is coming up fast. I can't believe she'll be here in roughly 19 weeks!!! I had someone ask me Monday if I was pregnant, yeah, it's getting pretty obvious. lol

The worst thing EVER though since being pregnant, besides the awful morning sickness that lasted so long is people talking to you and putting their had on your belly. Like really? Please don't touch....I'm a closed off person anyways and I have to have my "box" personal space, I hate shaking peoples hands, etc. Yes, my name is Meredith and I am a sever germ a-fob. I can't even fathom after Millie gets here and people wanting to touch or hold her, it's going to be hard b/c I don't want to be rude, but then again I don't want you really touching my baby either.

My mind is racing with so many things that I need to do from: refinishing her crib, to getting all her things together and in order, I have so many clothes but yet have not made an attempt to organize them in the closet yet, it's so overwhelming. I can't wait to do so, but I'm so tired when I get off work sometimes I just go walk, eat and then a little tv before I'm passed out (usually around 9 p.m.) Can we say old!!! hahaha

I'm trying to be patient with her Father, but he wears me thin when he acts like a kid himself, I can't handle two babies!!! Everytime I think he's making progress, he lets me down. It's not so much for me I care, but for her, she's my world and she deserves you 1. either being the BEST Father you can be or 2. You taking a hike!! We'll see as it plays out, don't get me wrong, I love her Father, probably always well in some way b/c he gave me her, but really, I can't handle two kids!!!

Let's get a little soap box here shall we. I can't STAND people who call themselves Christians, read my blog or hear I'm pregnant and when clear as day I stated on my blog please do NOT mention this to people that may know me out there..... you feel the need to go ahead and tell people, how does that make you a better person than me!!! Really!!!! And no I never confronted this person just can't believe you're suppose to be this Godly woman and you clearly didn't respect my request for NOT telling people outside of this blog. Ugh, hurts my feelings really BAD!!!

I'm really really really trying not to give a hoot about others opinions, but it still hurts; especially when you claim to be such a "Godly woman" isn't that gossip? What's the bible say about that, did you forget???

Any who, that's enough soapbox for one day!!

Happy Thursday Ladies!!

Monday, March 19, 2012

21 Weeks

How Far Along? 21 weeks, 4 days....130 to go!

Size of my Angel? 10.5 inches....size of a banana

Maternity Clothes? All

Weight Gain? Still not weighing myself, but when I had my scare last week and had gone to doctor I had not gained anymore.

Stretch Marks? None thank you Lord, lathering oil and cream one to two times per day...Praying that they'll stay away

Gender? Sweet baby GIRL.... Millie Ladell

Sleep? Still not sleeping good, up having to go to the bathroom all the time and having bad acid reflux

Food Cravings? fruit, chocolate and grape slushes

What I Miss Most? sleeping well

Symptoms? None, too early, last weeks scare was bad enough to last me the next 19 weeks.

Belly Button? In and praying that it stays but sometimes I'm not sure it will

Best Moment of the Week? Last night my Dad and Mom both felt her move, you should have seen my Dad's face it was priceless.... Working on the relationship with my ex, it's a work in progress, but I've turned it over to God and praying he has a change of heart.

21 weeks, 4 days

(it's not the best picture to show the bump, but you can see it) Hard taking a picture of yourself

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

20 Weeks

How Far Along? 20 weeks, 6 days....135 to go!

Size of my Angel? 6.5 inches....size of a cantaloupe

Maternity Clothes? All

Weight Gain? Who knows (because I once was really overweight, I'm afraid to weigh while pregnant because I know it may cause me not to eat right and watch my calorie in take way too much, so I leave it up to the doctor.)

Stretch Marks? None thank you Lord, lathering oil and cream one to two times per day

Gender? Sweet baby GIRL.... Millie Ladell

Sleep? It's hard for a stomach sleeper not to be able to sleep on their stomach, tossing and turning and up peeing a lot

Food Cravings? fruit, chocolate and grape slushes

What I Miss Most? sleeping well

Symptoms? had a scare last night, I was bleeding some and so today I had an emergency ultrasound, thank you Lord Millie is fine but I have a bad infection.

Belly Button? In and praying that it stays but sometimes I'm not sure it will

Best Moment of the Week? Knowing my sweet baby girl is okay, it's scary bleeding and being pregnant and not knowing what to do and if your child is okay. Praising God that she's okay :)

sorry families out of town and I didn't take one of myself
earlier this week, so you get the ONLY picture from the
week and it's a bare belly.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Sick and Low

I am being really selfish and just going to ask for prayers I have a bad cold and ear ache and I'm limited on what I can take please pray I get well soon. Pray for my job too it's my third week and in beating myself up bc I haven't learned everything 100% yet.

But on an upbeat note how cute is this beggar?

Thanks ladies

Monday, March 5, 2012

Baby Love 19 weeks & Gender Reveal

Okay so here is week 19 and gender reveal!!! (and pictures too)
**I have no clue why I can't get all the fonts to match up today, ugh annoying!!!

*How far along?: 19 weeks, 4 days--about 144 to go!!
*How big is your baby? a heirloom tomato--6 inches long!
*Total weight gain?: Stressing really hard over this, I gained 9 lbs since last dr appoint, they said at least 4 was all the water they made me drink before the ultrasound which made me feel a little better but I did cut m calories back from what he originally wanted me to eat (1800 cals) b/c I am trying really hard. I am weight obsessed and everyone knows that so this gaining weight is really hard for me.
*Sex: It's a GIRL!!!!! Millie Ladell (Ladell is a family middle name, it's my middle name and while I've always hated it, it's family and it's been going on for like 6 generations so why stop now).
*Maternity clothes: all maternity pants, mostly maternity tops just because I can't afford to buy so many different sizes.
*Stretch marks: No...I am rubbing lotion and oil on morning and night.
*Sleep: I'm a stomach sleeper, so this having to sleep on my back or side is killing me. I did buy a pregnancy pillow, but I've already worn a spot in the middle of it. lol
*Best moment this week: Not feeling sick at all. I was still getting sick until like the last two or so weeks, then still occasionally but it seems to be passing.
*Movement: Little flutters here and there.
*Food cravings: turkey, fruit, fruit, milk (even though I've had a hard time drinking it while pregnant and I love me some milk!!
*Labor signs: Too early
*Belly button in or out: in
*What I miss: being able to wear my clothes and not feeling fat
*What I'm looking forward to: see my precious baby girl!!

AND NOW for the pictures!!!!!

Gender Reveal Cake:'

Millie's Foot:

The Belly Shot- I just updated this on my work computer, wow it looks like she's there more than I thought.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Changes and Glow

It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I'll be 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow, it's crazy, it seems like yesterday I was told I was pregnant. And while a lot of people don't seem to be very happy for me, yes, I've received crazy messages, talks, questions, etc. from people who know me pretty well and those who don't know me well at all. All kinds of questions, are yall going to get married, are you going to keep the baby, maybe you should give the baby up b/c I know a married couple who've been wanting and trying for a baby and haven't succeeded and well, you're not married so.....
All this to you may not seem like much, but to me, it's just down right hurtful. I get this is not the conventional way to have a baby, I was raised to believe you didn't have kids till you are married and while using birth control and other means of protection sometimes things just happen that are out of your control. If that's too much tmi, well too bad. ;)
What hurts the most is some not many but some who have said questionable things to me don't seem to care that they've really really really hurt my feelings, well it's my body and my baby and I may not have the most luxirous life, but materialist things are NOT what a baby needs, a child needs, love, joy, understanding, time, patience all things I totally am able to give my child without anyone elses opinion.
I do know what I am having and have for 2 weeks now, it will come, it will come but for now I am just praying for a healthy report tomorrow at my 20 week screening. I know it's a week early, but you have to go when your schedule allows.
I also PTL had not one but THREE job offers within like literally a 48 hours, Praise The Lord!! I took the one closest to home because it presented me the easiest and best travel time to get back and forth to my sweet angel.