Friday, July 8, 2011

Confessions and Facts

So, I have had several things weighing on my mind lately and so therefore, I am just clearing my mind. I'm sorry if anyone does not agree with or is offended in anyway that I did this post. There is no means to the way I list or post my thoughts that have been heavily weighing on me lately. So with that said, here I go.

  • I have had a hard family life and I am now at the point where I really don't care if I have a close or good relationship with my mother and sisters anymore, I can't spend the rest of my lift worrying about this.

  • My mother and I have just now started to be able to stand being in the same room without uttering hateful remarks about each other under our breath.

  • I have been called ugly names by my mother and I have lived for almost 29 years with the fact that my mother is ashamed of some of the things that make me me.

  • I have dated several guys who have either physically or emotionally abused me.

  • My ex was a raging alcoholic and I literally was in fear of my life at times and that has in some ways scarred who I am and how I see and think about men and alcohol too.

  • I have a fist mark/cracked/dent in my wall on my stair case from my ex punch it while trying to pin me down on the stairs in a drunken rage.

  • I hate the person I was for the past few years and what I allowed someone to do to me and how I allowed him to make me feel like I wasn't good enough or didn't deserve better than that.

  • I went to Al-Anon meeting trying to figure out a way to save a relationship with the man I thought I loved and it just showed me that I needed to run like hell.

  • I hate dislike racist people and believe that God created us all in his image and that no one is better than another.

  • I am in love and want everyone to now it and I don't care one bit if I loose friends, upset, disappoint, or if my relationship is unapproved of by others, including but not limited to family members. And with that being said.........

I have met the man of my dreams and he is not necessarily the first pick by many for me. He is a tad bit older than me, he has kids, he has a grandchild, but he loves me, supports who I want to be, encourages me, makes me want to be a better person, he is my heart, he is my strength. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am 100% head-over-heels in love and happy!! I met him a couple a months ago and was totally blind-sided by meeting him. I had no clue that I would meet and fall in love with someone I met that night when I went out for the first time to just let loose and have a good time in almost 8 months.

I am happier after being with him for 5 months, then I was with being with my ex for 4 1/2 years. I am so blessed by knowing, loving, and having him love me. He is my heart and the absolute best thing that has EVER happened to me. This relationship is moving rather fast and while some don't think that we've known each other long enough, we don't really care we are doing what we think is best and what we think we want for our future. He is my heart and I could not picture my life without him in it. (and no, I am not getting married)

**And that is all I am telling you for now. There's a lot more to the story and a lot more that I'd love to share, but family has to know everything first. I just couldn't wait and hold it in any longer. I have never openly talked about him really on the blog and I have never facebooked a picture of us b/c I didn't want nosey some people to know that I was seeing anyone.

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